A wordless “hello” from Eliora

Tags that keep falling off of her leg, Eliora playing with some toys, and some art from her big brother Asher.

Hello.

To see Eliora munch on a graham cracker (it’s absurdly cute), click here.

Financial Calamity

… can be a good thing.

(Warning: run-on blog post ahead)
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I have some deep-rooted issues when it comes to my relationship with money.

My family’s temporary expedition to the United States in search of medical intervention for my sister turned into a more permanent situation than my parents had anticipated. Though they were educated, smart, and talented individuals, they consistently ran into employment obstacles simply because they didn’t speak English. End result was that we were poor…err, economically disadvantaged.

But I’m not damaged from being poor. In retrospect, I’m thankful for the way we grew up. Sure, as a five year old I begrudged the most trivial materialistic things my fellow classmates had – anything from their fancy snacks to their super awesome backpacks. I may not have been able to shake those feelings until sometime in high school, but I eventually reached a point where I understood, where I didn’t care anymore. I reached a point where I saw the true value of what we had; the point where the proverbial glass was no longer half empty; the point where I saw the powerful values my upbringing had instilled within my being.

OK, Priscila, you sound fine. What about those “deep-rooted issues”?

Oh, yes. Those issues. Honestly, I’ve had a hard time adjusting to having money. Having money doesn’t necessarily mean fat wallets and hefty paychecks. Having money means not having to skip meals, only feeding your children, simply because you have a bill that needs to be paid. Having money means being able to buy fluffy 2-ply toilet paper. Having money, friends, means being able to buy some ice cream on your grocery store trip. Yum.

After BJ lost his job in 2009, our financial stability suddenly lost its balance. A few months later, a little test told me that a bun was indeed in the oven. We were young and unprepared – no cushion, no plans. Credit cards became our best friends and 1-800-GRANDPA was frequently dialed for help with the mortgage.

We eventually reached a point where we didn’t want to borrow money anymore, we didn’t want to mooch. We simply had to skip bills, even important ones like the mortgage. We struggled getting our condo leased, lived with my sister, ate a ton of PBJ sandwiches, and went without essentials.

However, God is good. He really is and He took care of us. There were months where we were somehow able to buy groceries. Sometimes we were certain we were going to have to skip the mortgage again only to have something inexplicable happen, something providing enough money to get bills paid.

We were gifted baby and maternity items right when we needed it. We were offered love and encouragement from those around us. Caring for Asher didn’t start and end with us – we had a community of family and friends helping us with our sweet boy. In case you doubted it, the village still exists.

Having a second baby resurfaced many stresses that I abhorred. Stress from doubting our ability to effectively provide for our little family. I worked almost halfway into my second pregnancy before losing my job – a blessing in disguise. An avid workaholic like me needs to be laid off in order to actually stop working. God knew that I was meant to be at home with my children, especially to care for Eliora (read about her here).

I’ll be honest. The official turning point on our finances was when Eliora began receiving Supplemental Security Income (SSI). Our low income and her diagnosis qualified her to receive government checks to help pay for her expenses. Suddenly, we didn’t have to skip bills anymore.

My children could eat quality food. BJ and I could eat quality food. I could fill up my tank and not worry about the trek to the hospital. If Eliora needed a toy for therapy, we could buy it.

This is where I struggle. I fight daily to remember the hard times, to remember the lessons we’ve learned along the way. We went through those difficult times for a reason. We had lessons we needed to learn, that we weren’t going to learn any other way than by struggling financially.

It is hard work controlling my urge to spend, to not empty the bank account buying things we “need” (by need, I mean things we had gone so long without). I go through a whole process when I’m out grocery shopping, evaluating every item, talking myself out of buying frivolities. It’s hard, friends.

I think a lot of this has to do with never truly experiencing having money in the bank. Before, it was easy to say no to things you didn’t need because the money simply was not there. I didn’t have to control my spending because there was nothing to spend. Credit cards had long been maxed out, sadly. If my jeans had holes, big whoop. I didn’t buy new ones.

Random picture of strikingly cute little boy. He has some good genes for sure.

And now here we are.

BJ got a raise recently. He actually considered declining his raise.

What? Why would he do that?!

A raise could cause us to no longer qualify for Eliora’s SSI and amazing Medicaid coverage. We could care less about the SSI checks, but we were worried about losing her insurance. Though, there is a waiver available to help her receive insurance even if we make too much money, but it involves a lengthy and complicated application process.

Many people with varying diagnoses choose to not work because it is easier to collect the government checks and receive Medicaid. They feel stuck and I understand why. It’s a poor system we have in place. It makes me sad to think that there are people that feel they cannot do much for fear of losing their benefits. I know, insurance is expensive.

I look at Eliora and think about these things, about her future as an independent adult. I want her to see that hard work can pay, even if it means going through some hardships. That sometimes we have to sacrifice and push hard for what we want in life. I want her to know that by doing the right thing, it will all be worth it in the end.

For this reason, BJ took the raise. Regardless of what would happen, we decided that we have the power to work hard and provide the best for our children. At the end of the day, his raise makes up for the money we no longer receive through SSI; however, Eliora remains covered by Medicaid.

So, now it’s up to us.

It’s up to me to really channel the issues I have with money, to train myself to be better so that I can impact my family in a positive way. I have to continue to work hard, to push myself, so we can realize our dreams. Dreams such as one day building an accessible home that Eliora will be able to independently move around in.

I know I have the power to do it.
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For the many: By now you will have noticed that this blog is a form of therapy for me, but I want you to get something out of it, too, no matter what it may be.

I want to share a few of the things BJ and I are doing to set ourselves up for success and maybe it will give you some helpful ideas.

1. We are paying off all of our credit debt. We are snowballing our credit card payments (after we pay off a credit card, we apply the money that would have gone to those payments to the next credit card and so-on) and paying them off based on which one would have been paid off first through minimum payments (not which has the lowest balance or highest interest).  The majority of BJ’s monthly pay goes toward this. If we stay on track, we should be debt free (not including mortgage and student loans) in less than 2 years.

2. We are on a strict budget. At the beginning of every month, we pull out the grocery, gas, and childcare (Asher’s preschool) money for the month. Grocery money, for example, gets divided evenly by week and placed in an envelope. That  money is the maximum amount we spend that month. If we eat out, it comes from that money. It’s excellent motivation for not eating out. We only grocery shop once per week, so we save gas by not making random trips to the store.

3. We do miscellaneous things around the house to save money. We cloth diaper and make our own foaming soap. BJ joined the Dollar Shave Club and we save energy when using the dryer by using wool dryer balls. These are just a few examples.

4. We are a one car family. We save gas money, car insurance money, and maintenance expenses and have some extra cash to use for necessary childcare expenses.

We can’t forget that life is good, that we can make things happen. I’m currently working on making a little crafty business happen for myself. Hopefully that will come to fruition by the start of June.

 

An Introduction – Sacrifices

I’m still not sure what’s happening here. What is this blog? For the moment, it will serve as the dump station for the rantings induced by the frequent mind wandering that occurs during insomniatic states of mental exploration.

Perhaps this is an introduction of what I hope will be authentic pieces of what my heart genuinely wants to write about. I’m not so sure what those words are yet, but I do know this blog offers words to the many – words that someone may find useful, words that may invoke new thoughts, words that might sometimes be ridiculous, words that could make you laugh or even cry.
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Sacrifices.

Have I ever surrendered something of real value, even momentarily, for the sake of something else?

I don’t know. I’m sure if I sit down, dump out the contents of my brain and take a magnifying glass to it, I can probably come up with some sacrifices I’ve made as a person, mother, wife, daughter, sister, etc.

However, I believe we all make different types of sacrifices and it would be hypocritical not to admit that many of them are probably superficial. The types of sacrifices I’m thinking about tonight go beyond making the decision to skip a few months of your usual biweekly mani/pedis to save up for a new pair of heels for a friend’s upcoming nuptials.

During one of my bouts of insomnia, I laid in bed staring at a little girl who was peacefully nursing, comforted by the familiar scent of the people who would give anything for her ultimate well-being and that of her brother’s. BJ and I really would give anything.

I remembered my father once telling me, right before I had Asher, that I would never get a good night’s rest after my child was born. His reasoning was that once you have your children, you are forever tethered. They will always be on your mind, whether through worry or wonder. I don’t think he meant that you’d literally be tossing and turning all night for the rest of your life, worrying or wondering how your children are doing at that very moment. After a few weeks, we all stop getting up in the middle of the night to make sure the baby is still breathing. We trust that she is. I simply believe that was his way of telling me how deep a parent’s love is for their child, how deep his love is for us.

That night, I laid awake looking at Eliora, inspecting her from head to toe, and I thought back on all of the different ways my parents have made sacrifices for their children. My parents gave up many things, important things, for the sake of our well-being. They made tough decisions as parents that I have yet to experience in my own walk in motherhood.

They freely gave up everything they knew, all they were familiar with, to bring my sister and I to the US so that she could receive the medical care she desperately needed to live. That trip was only supposed to last 6 months, and here we are.

Financial burdens and hardships led to more hard choices and lifestyle changes. My father worked more hours in a work week than humanly possible in order to provide for us. Meanwhile, my mother spent her time caring for a medically fragile daughter who easily went into tachycardia, a little toddler who liked to exercise her vocal chords, and a baby boy.

Though my father was, and still is, a well-educated man, the language barrier severely limited the types of jobs he could do here in the US. He spent his days and nights doing hard labor, rain or shine. He was the guy collecting shopping carts from giant parking lots of big warehouse stores and lining them up for others to use. If you lived in Duluth, Georgia in the 90′s, then my dad and my mom may have delivered your phone books to your home. No job was ever too beneath him. He worked hard for little pay so that we could eat.

My mother is a woman who has faced many difficult trials in her life. Maybe one day I’ll write a book about her. It’d make a great movie. While my father was essentially absent, she devoted her time to taking care of the three of us. This was no easy task as she had to spend much time at the hospital for my sister’s severe heart complications and surgeries while trying to juggle a toddler and a baby. She’d try her hardest to make us meals out of what we could afford. To this day I love to just eat beans on a bed of rice. To keep the power company from shutting our lights off, to help keep a roof over our heads, she’d find random jobs to help make ends meet.

We were usually the recipients of church donations, of toy drives, of community help. It’s amazing to think about all of the people that God sent to bless our family, all of the job opportunities that would appear before my parents so that they could earn the exact amount of money needed to pay the rent for the month.

My parents gave a lot for us. Sure, I didn’t see my father often. We didn’t go to any father-daughter dances, he didn’t always tuck me in at night, he wasn’t able to come have lunch with me at school or be a guest reader for my class. Instead, we would write each other notes so that the other one could see it at some point in the day. I’d make him a picture and leave it out for him to see when he got home from work in the mornings. It’s a memory I’ll treasure forever.

The memories I have of my mother during those times are of her working hard and diligently  making sure her children had what they needed. I remember her learning everything she could about diabetes so she could be the best advocate for my brother who was diagnosed at age 5. She is the reason why I know I can take care of Eliora and everything that spina bifida throws at us.

This is just a snapshot into my upbringing, one that has instilled an understanding of what’s important in life deep within my core. It also skims the surface of the myriad ways my parents sacrificed for their children. Though, if you were to talk to them, they’d just tell you that there wasn’t anything they gave up that they couldn’t live without. They may not even call it sacrificing. They’ll tell you that they already had the most important things – their children. My mother would tell you that God has always taken care of them, that God provided and still continues to bless our family.

And that’s the truth.
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For the many:

There’s a reason why I’m writing all of this, why this thought has stuck with me.

I’m mainly reflecting on the current position we’re in, living month-to-month, quote-unquote struggling. Am I putting the things my parents taught me to good use? The high level of work-ethic I learned from my father, the ability to provide for my children to the fullest like my mother.

I don’t really know what it is to sacrifice like they did. These first-world problems that we face every month have easy solutions that require some effort and determination from BJ and myself. We have more that we can give, that we should give, to really set up an excellent future for our children.

Let’s make that happen.

An update is in order

The following is an understatement:
So things didn’t go as planned for my last series.

While I had relit a passion for giving back in my last post, especially since I had so much to be thankful for, and was able to succeed in giving (and give more than I thought I could), the motivation to sit down and write vanished. Poof.

And it still isn’t here. Where are you? I want to write, I like writing, and I’d like to think some of you rather enjoy my writing. Perhaps I’m feeling a bit directionless with this blog.

The holidays have been busy, folks. {Photo cred: Joanna Penny Photography}

I have no deep words for you today. Reports for missing funny stories, clever statements, and wisdom can officially be filed. What I do have for you, however, is information and opportunities to give, to help those who need it. Because people NEED you. Yes, you.

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Acworth Pregnancy Resource Center (APRC)- About a year ago (give or take), the opportunity to open a pregnancy center somewhat fell into the laps of my sister and her husband. They’ve been working hard and diligently alongside a team of dedicated board members toward realizing the dream of opening a brick-and-mortar resource center for pregnant women. This center will provide myriad services ranging from parenting classes to clinical services like pregnancy tests, STD testing, and ultra sounds… for FREE. There is a location in Downtown Acworth they are currently working on attaining, they have begun collecting donations of maternity and baby gear, and are making huge strides towards opening their doors before summer of 2013. 

How can you help?
1. Make a one time monetary donation or commit to donating monthly. Donations can be made directly on their website: acworthprc.org.
2. Donate any of the following items (contact me @ bensonpriscila[at]gmail[dot]com to make pick-up/drop-off arrangements):
-Diapers
-Baby wipes
-Baby shampoo/wash
-Onesies
-Blankets
-Clothes up to 4T
-Child safety items
-Pacifiers
-Baby socks
-Monitors
Maternity clothing, baby furniture, children’s toys, and other items are also accepted.
3. Buy some coffee through their fundraiser: acworthprc.greatcoffeegreatcause.com. You can make a one time purchase of coffee (good coffee, too) or subscribe to receive coffee on a monthly basis.
4. Pray. Please.
5. Volunteer – contact me if you’re interested in volunteer opportunities.
6. Spread the word! Like their Facebook page here.

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Help bring Sofi Rose home! – Through the Facebook Spina Bifida community, we have come to know the Jensen family. This family spends their days and nights longing to hold little Sofi, a girl with SB they are hoping to adopt. Their sweet girl is hanging out in Eastern Europe until they reach the financial goals necessary to bring her home. She is not getting all of the love and care that she desperately needs which is why it is important to help bring her home. Truth: Adoption is expensive. Please help bring Sofi home. Read Sofi’s mom’s blog here.

Sweet Sofi

How can you help?

1. Buy a raffle ticket and enter to win a gorgeous diamond necklace. The more tickets you buy, the better chance you have at winning! Buy your tickets here. Check out the FB page here.
2. They are collecting shoes – any shoes – and need about 5000 pairs in order to receive $3500 toward the adoption. Search your homes, friends! Surely you have at least 10 pairs of shoes hiding somewhere. Package them up and send them to: 17888 Oak St. Fountain Valley, CA 92708.
3. Donate to their YouCaring page.
4. Give directly to their adoption agency, Children’s House International, by sending a tax deductible check with “The Jensen Family” written on the notes line. The agency will send you a receipt.
5. Pray.
6. Spread the word – share links, like their FB pages, etc.

 

Much love to you all and please consider helping these causes.

30 Days of Thankful, Days 16-21

A bit of a rant today…
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To be a bit dramatic, school work is consuming me. It’s sucking any motivation, creativity, and passion to do the things that fire me up right out of me like a Dementor’s kiss. My quantitative-something-so-other statistics class is, in fact, a soul-sucking fiend. (first world problem)

Feels good to say that aloud and get it off my chest.

Obligatory cute baby photo.

Truth is, school really isn’t that bad. If it is negatively affecting my daily go-abouts in any away, it’s because I’m letting it. I am habitually horrible at letting pending homework loom over my head throughout the day, weighing me down and stressing me out. The solution? A serious re-evaluation of my time management. My six-month hiatus from collegiate activities has me out of practice in the sport of juggling a myriad of responsibilities.

All of the aforementioned jargon is my poor excuse as to why I’ve fallen seriously behind on my “30 Days of Thankful” series. If we’re being honest here, it’s also because the series has been lacking a little bit of purpose, of intention, for me. My heart has not been as embedded into these posts as it was in the Spina Bifida Awareness series. But that, dear friends, is a problem.

I try to be sickeningly positive about life, but recently all of the superficial thankful posts splattering my Facebook newsfeed have me feeling like a judgmental negative Nancy that wants to slap society in the face. And then I re-read my posts and realize I’m just another one in the bunch.

So, is it bad that some people are thankful to have enough money each month to go shoe shopping every weekend? I guess not. But something just doesn’t sit right with me.

My dear friend Katy wrote a blog post about how she’s thankful for not being hungry. That right there was inspirational. Not because she was grateful for reliable meals, but because she spoke of GIVING.

It resonated within me. Yes, this month is about being thankful. We’re all consumed by the daily masses of trivial problems that sometimes we need to stop and be thankful for the little (and big) things we have.

But what makes my life more fulfilling, what truly fires me up and fills me to the brim with joy is the act of giving, of community service, of helping someone have what I am blessed enough to be thankful for. I have been on the receiving end of the giving tree. During years when my parents weren’t sure if there would be any Christmas presents under the tree, gifts were delivered to our door step. I’m thankful for what I have and I feel it my duty to bless someone else.

Ah-ha, I found purpose again.

So, I am going to challenge myself. For the remainder of this month, I’m going to challenge myself to be genuinely thankful. And with every thing I am grateful for, I will find a way to give that to someone else.

Challenge accepted.

Asher with Grammy.

Day 16: I am thankful for my parents. I’m thankful for their constant provision, for their endless love, for the example they set as a couple for BJ and I. They are the couple that hold hands in the car, that isn’t afraid of public displays of affection, that call their children every day, that pray for their children every night. They are loving grandparents that encompass my children with comfort, understanding, and patience.

Day 17: I am thankful to have food to feed my children. I am thankful for the Georgia WIC program that provides my family with staple food items, therefore allowing us to use the money that would otherwise go to those staples on healthier, better quality food for our family.

Day 18: I am thankful to have clothing for my children. But, more importantly, I am thankful for the generosity of every person that has ever given Asher or Eliora their children’s hand-me-downs. I am also thankful for every person that has gifted them new clothing. I didn’t have to buy Asher and Eliora coats this year. How blessed are we.

Day 19: I am thankful for my friends. I am blessed to have people that worry about me, that call to see how I’m doing, that tolerate my tardiness when I’m late for our walks or play dates, that understand when I have to cancel because my children need me. I’m grateful for strong friendships that survive the many phases of life, that continue to enrich me and provide me with constant support when I feel like I’m breaking.

Day 20: I am thankful to have people that are willing to help me with my children. I am eternally grateful for the family and friends who help me with Asher when I have to tend to Eliora’s medical needs. I’m thankful to have parents and siblings that will watch my little ones so that I can run an errand, so that BJ and I can go on a date, so that I can eat a meal while it’s still hot.

Day 21: I am thankful to be able to afford to diaper my children. In a previous post I was thankful for modern cloth diapers and for all the money I’m saving using them. But I have to take a few steps back and be thankful that we can afford to diaper our children period. There are families that reuse disposable diapers because they cannot afford to do anything but. It’s so easy for me to say “just build up your cloth diaper stash slowly, buying a diaper here and there”, but it’s easier said than done for these families. How overwhelming it must be choosing between food and reusing disposables. I must stop here before I explode into another rant.

I will report back later with how I gave or will give someone else the opportunity to be thankful for these things.

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For the many:

Dare I challenge you to do the same? Hmmm…

30 Days of Thankful, Day 15

Day 15: I am thankful for Pinterest.
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Because it give me ideas like this:

Enough said. G’night, folks.
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For the many:

Pinterest now has secret boards… muah ha ha.

30 Days of Thankful, Day 14

Day 14: I am thankful for modern cloth diapers.
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I’m sure I’ve talked enough about cloth diapers and how amazing they are. I’ve never been against disposables, and we do occasionally use them when we have to use prescription creams on the children’s bums. But, cloth diapers have been a definite life saver for us. During a time when we were having to choose between diapers and food or diapers and bills, cloth diapers came to the rescue.

I’m thankful to have a diapering method that does not require me to dump large sums of cash on something that will just be thrown away. I’m thankful to have a healthy alternative to disposable diapers. I’m thankful that cloth diapers are extremely cute.

Above all, I’m thankful for modern cloth diapers that don’t require me to fold a huge piece of fabric that then needs to pinned in place and covered with plastic underpants. I don’t have the patience to learn origami-like skills that I then have to utilize on a wiggling two-year old.

Some of Eliora’s cute fluff – a patterned Blueberries cover and bumGenius pocket in Bubble (color).

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For the many:

If you want to try cloth, I would love to overwhelm you with information. You can email me at bensonpriscila[at]gmail[dot]com.

 

30 Days of Thankful, Day 13

Day 13: I am thankful for our small, yet cozy closet.
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Here we go again… one of those strange things to be thankful for.

Our family of four currently resides in a garage apartment that’s just around 1000 square feet. We share a bedroom space that is large enough to fit our full-size bed, Asher’s toddler bed, and Eliora’s crib. We have a little play area, a living space, a dining “room”, and even an “office” (a corner with a desk in it). The full bathroom is a generous size and most would be jealous of the laundry room. The kitchen is pretty spacious, with room for a changing table and Asher’s play kitchen.

But, out of all of these spaces, my absolute favorite space is the cozy little closet the four of us share.

Because of the the size of the closet, and the fact that there are four people sharing it, we’ve had to drastically reduce the amount of clothing, shoes, and accessories we own. As a result, we have a clutter-less and cozy space that rarely gets messy. We don’t really miss any of the things we’ve donated or sold, we’ve learned to be minimalists with our wardrobes.

It’s pretty refreshing. I never feel overwhelmed in that space. The racks aren’t bursting with clothing we don’t wear, but instead everything is organized and easy to find.

So, I have to be thankful for that cozy closet that has taught us an invaluable lessons of clearing out clutter and being grateful for the things we have room to keep. Clutter just fills our lives with noise, it’s not something that fires us up or creates inspirational spaces. We’re working toward a state of minimalism (well, nothing too extreme… don’t hold me to this when you see my craft closet), donating what we don’t need, and selling some things for some extra cash to pay bills (or fund professional photo sessions).

And hopefully that refreshed feeling we get from a clean and clutter-free space will resonate in other aspects of our lives.
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For the many: (REPOST FROM DAY 1)

I’ve decided to do a blog hop for this series since I know many of you might be doing a similar challenge. It’ll help keep us accountable (try not to skip a day!)  and allow us to share what we’re thankful for (0ur visitors can read each other’s blogs). Add your blog link to the list and then get the code (via the link) to post on your blog as well. I’ll copy this link to each post I write to keep the blog hop going through the month.

Read what my blogging friends are thankful for through the link below…
{Click here} to view the blog hop list and to add your link.

30 Days of Thankful, Days 11-12

I have to be honest… BJ just got home from a trip and Netflix is ready with episode 1 of The Walking Dead, so today’s blog post will be super short. With that said…

Day 11: I am thankful for large canvas prints of two bits of treasure that I hold dear to me.

Looking up at the prints of Asher and Eliora reminds me to focus on what matters in life.

Day 12: I am thankful for my Girasol Northern Lights.

I am addicting to wearing my kids. Addicted. I’m also having a love affair with this wrap and it’s beautiful colorway. Again, I love babywearing.